Tyler Clementi

The news covers again the tragic loss of life of another gay teenager who chose to take his own life. At 18, he was a promising music student, his friends spoke highly of him, a great person. But where are we as a society that a young man chooses to take his life because people have found out that he's gay?

Then there's the kids that we never hear about, who quietly take their lives without the fanfare of global news coverage. How many gay teenagers have watched the news this week and seen Tyler's plight and the choice he made? I imagine there are many thousands. I worry that they see this as perhaps their only way out of the humiliation they feel, the bullying they suffer at school and the fear they have about sharing with their family and loved ones that they're gay.

One of my favourite online gay columnists, Dan Savage was horrified at this story as with any story of a gay person taking their life. So, he and his husband put together a YouTube Channel called It Gets Better. He's invited others to contribute and share their stories about high school, the bullying and coming out to parents. The general consensus being that life really does get better when you leave high school.

Of the news coverage I read, from the US, Australia and Canada some of the most enlightened comments from readers came from Salt Lake City, Utah. Comments like:


"tribtalksense says: One of the people in my office has a great saying posted it states, "Never take a person's dignity. It means everything to them and has no worth to you." - Frank Barrow.  This despicable act, (by those taping it), demonstrates this."

"nungwa says: Self-loathing is a bitter and cruel thing. The shame and embarrassment Tyler must have felt had to be excruciating."

If you know any young people who are struggling with their sexuality, take a moment to send them an email with a link to It Gets Better and maybe share you're own story with them.


Click here for Australia News Coverage

Click here for Canadian News Coverage

An Introduction

The decision to write this book was largely driven by my own experience and the experiences of those I know and love. I waited until I was 36 to really explore my homosexuality and didn’t come out until I was 38.

In this book I want to share a little of my own journey and some of the things that I have learnt along the way. I’ll do that by combining my faith and my coming out journey. I hope you will gain something from my experience.

One thing this book is not, is a preachy religious book trying to somehow justify or balance my lifestyle with my faith. I’ve not been able to balance my life style with my faith, essentially I don’t understand why I am the way I am. However, I do know that in order for me to be authentic, I had to come out and just simply ‘be’. I balance that with my faith and the knowledge that God loves me regardless of my shortcomings and many faults, just as he loves you.

As I researched for this book, I began to discover that many gay Latter-day Saints have had a really hard time with their sexuality and the treatment by family, friends and priesthood leaders. During the 2010 Sundance Film Festival release of the documentary “8 - A Mormon Proposition” Dustin Lance Black spoke of being aware that he was gay from the age of eight. He said he sat in church meetings and heard President Spencer W. Kimball compare homosexuality with the same severity as murder. As a small boy who knew what these words meant and it was a struggle to live with those feelings.

The journey with our sexuality will be different for everyone, I hope that the experiences I share in this book will give you courage to be who you are and stand tall as a member of a wonderful community and son or daughter of God.

I’m grateful to the gay and straight friends who shared their experiences to add to the richness of this book. Through their and my experiences I hope you find the courage to be who you are and to ultimately enjoy being the person you are.