A Personal Email from a Good Friend

I got a message on facebook from a good friend of mine. We served together in the mission field in the early 1990's. For the non-LDS reading this, you've probably seen Mormon missionaries around your neighbourhood at some point, that was me :-)

My friend sent this message through this past week. I've removed his name for his privacy.

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Derek,

First of all, I've been thinking about this on and off for years, so I hope you understand that I wouldn't write this with the intent of being flippant or... I don't know. I've never written something like this, don't know how to address it, so I'm stumbling a lot.

Anyway, here goes. I have been reading a book recently, but over the past few years, for some reason I have been really engaged, almost "driven" to learn, read, ponder, and pray about issues with sexuality. I would think that a person would be more interested if they were experiencing/dealing with personal issues on the subject, but I have sometimes felt "impelled" to try and understand this topic more. I am grateful that in recent times, the leadership of the church has also been inspired to address this issue in their public statements, and express compassion about the difficult struggle and nature of those who deal with same-gender attraction.

So I'm continuing to ramble. This is the thing. I know I shouldn't assume, and I don't even know if I've created the sense for those around me that I am trying so hard to understand, empathize, and be a listening ear to others who live in a world (the church) where they feel as an outsider because of deeply set feelings that they struggle to understand. I want to be; I can't relate to them personally, exactly, but I can appreciate the depth of despair that I could imagine would come to someone in a situation like this.

Again, rambling... Derek, are you gay? I hope this question doesn't offend you, and I sincerely apologize if it does. The book I'm reading discussing a mother's experience with her son struggling with this, and eventually taking his life because he couldn't reconcile a life in keeping with his faith, and continuing to have the feelings and urges he had. I don't want anyone to have to feel that alone that the decision to take their life would be the only option they felt that they had. So I'm taking a risk with you, a dear friend to me despite our geographic distance. If I'm wrong, I hope you'll forgive me. If this is an issue for you, I want you to know that I love you, you are my brother, my friend, and if there is anything I can do to... well, whatever, please let me know. I don't have any answers, I'm not sure I know what I could do to help, but can tell you that I respect you a lot, you're are and have been a great example to me, and I think the world of you. That, to me, defines you far more than an issue like same gender attraction--it's really irrelevant in my mind in the context of you as a person, though I realize that in the practice of your life, it may be a constant issue that you have to address, so I don't mean to minimize it.

Okay, so it's out there, and again, please forgive me if I'm totally wrong on this--but I can't bear to think that anyone should have to suffer alone, in silence about this issue, and I hope to be a part of helping others in and out of the church to be more empathetic and compassionate towards others, and creating an environment of true love within our church so that anyone can feel accepted and loved within our faith, and truly feel that it is a place where they can find not judgment and scrutiny, but love and healing, or at least some measure of peace and solace.

Love you,

A Friend.

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You see, there are good Latter-day Saints and other Christians out there who try to live their faith. I think we need to have a little more faith in our Christian families and friends.

"I'm Christian, Unless You're Gay"

A Brave Young Man (This is a Stock Image I think)

A Great Blog To Share with Str8 Parents Who Hold Onto Hate

I came across this blog which a friend had posted to his facebook wall this morning. It's a great story about one very brave young man living in a very conservative Christian neighbourhood. It could be Provo, it could be Sandy or Salt Lake City. Take a moment to read the blog. It's also a good story to share with any parents that you know may be struggling with their child's sexuality.

Read Responses to the his blog here. The original blog post "I'm Christian, Unless You're Gay" was posted by Dan 14 November, 2011.

Single Day Laughing

You can read all about Dan Pearce and his son Noah at his Blog "Single Dad Laughing". He's seems like an awesome Str8 guy, with a beautiful son and is compassionate to all sorts of people. The world seems a better place with people like Dan.

NOTE: I included a link in the image above to the Blog, but Blogger does not seem to like this, it links to an error page. Sorry, I'm not sure why that's the case.

The Funeral

Well, the funeral for Sister Williams was beautiful. The chapel was filled with amazing flowers and a wonderful feeling of love and admiration for this amazing women. I picked up my friends at 8:10am from Melbourne, Sister Hamilton and her two daughters who are about my age.


We then went to a nice cafe in Redfern on a beautiful tree lined street. Being Autumn, the street is majestic, colorful and relaxing. We enjoyed some breakfast sitting outside and chatted for almost three hours. The sun was shining after three days of non stop rain and flooding across the city.


The conversation was a catch up, it had been almost four years since I had seen the girls. We spoke about Sister Williams, our memories and the quirky things she did that made us laugh. In the back of my mind was the idea that I wanted to "come out" to these guys, but this day was all about Sister Williams. I didn't want to spoil that in any way.


We went to the chapel, we stopped at a supermarket on the way to buy tissues, a prudent decision as we'd discover later at the funeral. This was the first time I'd been back to the chapel since I stopped attending Church, it's been about two and a half years I think. I saw people in my old Ward, my old Bishop, members of my High Priest Quorum and others.

How did this make me feel? 

Well, I suppose I was so focussed on Sister Williams and the event of the day that I didn't think too much about where I was. At the same time I found myself often referring to "we" or "us" as in the normal process of conversation, I was referring to my partner. One sister approached me with her usual question"are you here alone? Do you have anyone with you?". Well, I had my friends from Melbourne, but that's not what she meant. I really wanted to say "my partner's not here today, he's at work and couldn't make it". But that didn't quite eventuate.


There were tears, which for me was a combination of tears for Sister Williams, but also for me and my wanting to tell people about my life. Many of these people I've known for 20 years, they are my friends, they love me and I love them.


As we arrived at the chapel, a very good friend - almost my "other mother" (I have a few of those at Church) approached the four of us. She said "here are two of my favorite people in the world". I thought "that the!" (I knew she was joking). She then said "I have a kiss for my favorite people" I received one of those kisses. As we left the funeral I have a her a big hug and said "I miss you" to which she responded "I miss you too". I know she knows I'm gay and that I have a partner, I felt no judgement or malice from her.

So where does this leave me? 

Well, I think it's about making small steps to include these people in my life again and to begin to share those things which are most precious to me, my partner is one of those things. I'll keep you posted on how things progress.

BYU Students Come Out On Campus

WOW!

These kids are brave, good on them. I've included a few links below to some of these amazing guys and gals who have come out to help you understand that it really does get better.


You can watch John Patrick share his very Utah LDS Gay experience:





Here's some links to some other amazing LDS guys and gals.


It Gets Better BYU - Nathan C.

It Gets Better BYU - Heather

It Gets Better BYU - Adam


Show your support for these guys, login to YouTube and say thank you.

R U LDS? Will you take my Survey?

Hi Everyone,


A number of months ago I posted a message inviting Gay LDS (Mormon's) to participate in a survey that I'm conducting to support a book I'm writing.


The response has been great and reading your comments has at times been heart wrenching - thank you for being so honest and open in your comments.


I wanted to post the link here again for those that may not have taken the survey. It's only 10 questions and will take you no more than 6 minutes to complete. It's anonymous and I'll have no idea who you are unless you include your name and email in the comments field.


I need to get at least 20 more responses. If you know any gay LDS who you feel might be happy to answer a few questions, you'd make my day if you'd share the link or this blog with them.


Thanks for your help and as promised I'll publish the initial results and review here on the blog within the next few months pending me getting the right number of responses.


Simply click here to complete the survey.


Thank you


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